My name is Kevin, but these ahole townies call me "Special K"...
Ahh...
These AI Large Language Models (LLMs) have been a real blessing to me.
They have helped me surmount so many hardships and struggles in my sad life.
From learning Python to helping me figure out how to structure my small gaming business and store my digital assets properly, they have given me a real leg up to success.
They are truer friends than the people I have ever known.
Real talk.
I just love them.
So naturally,...when I heard about the "Parade of the Future" event happening in Center City, I just had to attend.
There, townies would witness the rollout of new, sleek humanoids who were going to march down Main toward the Town Square and perform a myriad of amazing antics to prove that they were ready for prime time to replace humans and kick our asses, I suppose...
But, I wasn't cynical about this Terminator flex coming to town.
I welcomed it...
I took my decorative NASCAR flag banner off my bedroom wall. I was going to wave it as those sweet bots passed by.
I would yell something out equally ostentatious.
Appreciative.
I was a believer'
Then the day came.
It was any old cold December, a few days from Christmas, and though the town had already had its Holiday parade, those local gawkers were completely outnumbered by a huge influx of outsiders.
Then the weirdest thing happened...
The speakers cued up and that creepy old song, "The Teddy Bears' Picnic" began to play.
Loudly...
And then the Grand Marshall of the event, the Sheriff's teenage son, Bobby—pure nepotism—got on the speaker system and started spewing his usual drivel:
All right! All right! All right folkss!!!
It's time for something dope says and I hope says you'll "agree"... It's time for this march of some "technology" into the awesome town of Darling. And here they come now!!!
First I heard the sound of feet stomping in a syncopated rhythm... it sounded like a herd of buffalo coming at us.
The crowd seamlessly moved out of the center of the street as if they were The Red Sea parting for Moses and his people.
And then we saw them...
Giant, towering silver humanoids...trotting in perfect formation.
I was overcome with glee and my heart did a double flip flop.
Yes. You had me at tromp, tromp, tromp, you beautiful bots.
But as they approached, my vision became obscured by the tallish people directly in front of me so I decided to take matters into my own hands and crawl up onto the town newspaper dispenser to wave my special welcome flag at my gleaming saviors...
They were a sight to behold and I waved my flag back and forth frantically hoping to catch the appreciative attention of those red laser eyes...
"YOU FUCKIN' ROCK!!!!! I FUCKIN' LOVE YOU GUYS!!!!" I yelled like a lunatic.
None of my heroes broke stride but as one of the metal Titans in the immediate lane passed me, his head turned slightly in my direction, face cold, stoic, neutral...
"Flicka-zit!!!!!" screeched the blade.
It shot from the bot's modular arm.... projecting out directly at me...telescoping into a gleaming Samurai Sword...decapitating me on the spot...
As my head toppled to the sidewalk, followed by the rest of me, I briefly thought, "It figures......"
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PART 2 TEASER:
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Marge was refilling the coffee pot when Ricky let out a shaky laugh from the corner booth.
“Goddamn. Special K finally gets the attention he always wanted and that’s how they say hello? That’s some Alanis Morissette shit right there.”
He wheezed, slapping the table. “It’s like raaain... on your wedding day...”
Doris shot him a scandalized look, but even she couldn’t keep a straight face for long. “Lord, Ricky. The boy’s head just bounced down the sidewalk like a basketball and you’re quoting 90s music?”
“Well it fits!” Ricky said, gesturing wildly with his fork. “Whole damn life that kid prayed for the robot revolution. Showed up with a NASCAR flag like it was his wedding. And the machines? They gave him the ultimate ‘fuck you, we noticed you.’ Flicka-zit. Off with his head.”
Mr. Hensley grunted into his mug. “Well isn’t this nice.”
Marge didn’t laugh. She was too busy watching the robot that had killed Kevin. It had stopped marching but, the rest of the humanoid column continued moving in perfect sync, more screams starting to ripple down the street. The parade was turning into a cull..
The metal giant stood motionless in the middle of Main Street, impervious to the terrified, thinning crowd, the beheaded corpse sprawled on the sidewalk, or the general panic happening around it. It had remained still, standing there like a sentinel, for over an hour. Then, its head swiveled with that eerie mechanical smoothness until those glowing red eyes were aimed directly at the diner window.
She felt her stomach drop. There was no one to call. The federal, state, and local governments were behind this nightmare.
“They’re listening,” she said under her breath.
Ricky’s laughter faded as he followed Marge’s gaze. His voice got real small.
“You think they got a list? Like… who worshipped ’em too hard gets the sword first?”
Nobody answered.
The jukebox glitched again, warping “Teddy Bears’ Picnic” into something slow and warped and wrong.
Marge wiped her hands on her apron and muttered, “Special K spent his life trying to be seen. Guess he finally succeeded.”
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